Archive | February 2008

I’m In The New York Times AGAIN, Dahlings!

DAHLINGS –

Last night my show had a triumphant opening–yours truly gave a masterful performance, and my costar, Shannon Sutherland, was truly radiant. The backstage crew were a marvel of efficiency.

And the icing on the creme brulee was to awaken this morning to find an article about myself in The New York Times in all my negligee’d glory! It includes my thoughts on the Oscar fashions, and a wonderful write-up of the show. Not to mention a beautiful photograph by Michael J. Berkowitz of moi with Bucky. You can see it at:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/28/fashion/28ROW.html?ref=fashion

Remember, there are only FOUR more performances of my masterwork to go, so get yourself to Smarttix!

http://www.smarttix.com/

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

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LINDSAY LOHAN & NICOLE RICHIE NAKED

DAHLINGS –

Pardon the title, but I did want to make this blog-thing got some HITS! (And I do have a screed about Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn a few entries back, so I’m not really lying, just fibbing a bit.)

Mes cher amis, my SHOW OPENS TONIGHT!

“DeCarlo is a killer performer” The L Magazine
“This is one seriously funny writer.” VintageGrace.com
“Truly a cool blog!” Critiquemyblog.com
“A fabulously funny blog.” TheThreeTomatoes.com

LIVE! ON STAGE! THE POPULAR BLOG COMES TO LIFE!
Rival-blasting, servant-bashing, she will stop at nothing for the perfect Dior!


FRIGID new york presents an S & D Production
DIARY OF A MAD FASHIONISTA

A Couture Comedy Made For The Masses
Written by Elisa DeCarlo
Directed by Aaron Haber
Starring Elisa DeCarlo and Shannon Sutherland

“You CANNOT AFFORD to miss this show, dahlings!” -The Fashionista

WED 2/27 @ 9 PM
SUN 3/2 @ 8:30 PM
TUE 3/4 @ 9 PM
FRI 3/7 @ 10:30 PM
SAT 3/8 @ 10 PM

The Red Room
85 East 4th StreetNew York, NY 10003(Between 2nd and 3rd Ave.)

Tickets $12
For tickets, go to http://www.smarttix.com/ or call (212) 868-4444

Make certain you buy your tickets ASAP…it’s a small theater and will be simply jampacked!

Ciao,Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

More on the Oscar’s lack of style

DAHLINGS –

Most of the critics are complaining that the dresses were too “safe.” It’s been that way for years, lookalike long stately Grace Kelly gowns, dull, dull, dull. That is why I am almost grateful for those who are willing to look totally awful.

Take for example Tilda Swinton. With no makeup and an huge one-armed dress made out of a black satin bedsheet that she must have bought at a 99 cent store, she certainly stood out. In fact, she reminded me strongly of those all-white mannequins you see in the shops, the faceless kind.

Then we have this strange man on the red carpet wearing an enormous John Travolta mask. I wonder who he is?

And once again, Nicole Kidman lets us down, in a shapeless black dress and a messy diamond necklace that looks like a chandelier dropped on her head en route to the podium.

You actually cannot get the full effect from this photo, but trust me on this one.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Carpet Runs Red At The Oscars…

DAHLINGS,

It’s Oscar night, and no Vanity Fair party! Not only that, your faithful correspondent is simply wrung out from the stress of working on my soon-to-be-opening extravaganza, “Diary of A Mad Fashionista,” which opens this Wednesday.

No matter. It is my duty to report on the good, bad and the ugly on the red carpet, and then to bed. Perhaps not the exhaustive reportage my readers have come to expect from yours truly, but the mere fact that I am dictating this is a feat in itself. The blog comes first!

First, I have to say, that beautiful Jennifer Hudson should have let my dear friend Andre Leon Talley dress her this year. And for me to say THAT is significant. She is in an dazzlingly unflattering Grecian white dress with an Empire waist (why do busty women think they will look better in Empire waists?), and a shapeless bust. I do hope that dear Jennifer is not channeling Aretha Franklin nowadays!

Second, on the other end of the weight scale, Calista Flockhart was also in a Grecian draped dress (did Rami from “Project Runway” dress the invitees?) in a sickly shade of blue green, the better to look truly anorexic. Her better two-thirds, Harrison Ford, has taken to wearing a gray page boy, perhaps in homage to the Best Supporting Actor, Javier Bardem.

Another trend on the red carpet was “bed-head.” Cameron Diaz wore a scruffy ponytail (it matched the wrinkles in her gown), and Colin Farrell’s hair hung down in an uncombed mess.

Helen Mirren looked…very good. This appearance was a tad disappointing from an actress who always looks spectacular.

(Personally, I think it was the lace sleeves on her red gown. It looked like she’d thrown on an old English cardigan, even if they are crystals.)

Meanwhile, Kristin Chenoweth must have had not time to shop and ran straight to the nearest Frederick’s of Hollywood.

More later…I simply must hie me to bed.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Sick & The Dead: Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe

Dahlings –

This morning I was confronted over my morning latte’ with the latest celebrity outrage. No, not the Miley Cyrus seat-belt flap.

It is Lindsay Lohan’s handlers’ incomprehensible decision to have their client pose as Marilyn Monroe in an imitation of Monroe’s last photo shoot with Bert Stern. (http://media.nymag.com/fashion/08/lindsay-as-marilyn/)

Stern himself, who apparently has not accomplished very much since the mid-1960s, saw a injection of career Viagra in this exploitation of the youthful hype whore. So he shot the new pictures himself. After all, he had published all 2000 photographs he shot of Marilyn in several different books, all published long ago.

These photos were called “The Last Sitting,” and were virtually the last pictures taken of Marilyn. There are many beautiful images, if you overlook the fact that Marilyn was extremely drunk and high.

(No disrespect for the dead intended. But mon cher lecteurs, the sad reality was that she was an alcoholic and addict, dying six weeks later of an barbiturate overdose.) Later Norman Mailer, may he not rest in peace, used many of these photos for his own exploitation book, a masturbatory fantasy bio titled “Marilyn.”

And now we have Ms. Lohan. When I saw the first photo, I thought she was wearing prosthetic breasts, but then I realized they were phonies of a different sort. I have no idea what this has to do with Spring Fashion 2008, but that was the section into which Star—er, New York Magazine—decided to shoehorn this pathetic travesty.

As for Ms. Lohan, she doesn’t think it is a “big deal,” but then, her actual career has not been a “big deal” for quite some time and this is the first intentional publicity she has received for several years.

I have this to say:

SHAME on all who participated in this degradation of the memory of a beautiful, talented actress who died before her time!

SHAME on all of those who brought this venal monstrosity before the public.

SHAME on those who knew the only similarities between Ms. Lohan and Ms. Monroe are gender, alcohol and drugs.

One only hopes Ms. Lohan has the good fortune to live until 36.

Regretfully,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Too Exhausted To Rail At My Assistant…

DAHLINGS –

Night and day I have been toiling on my show, “Diary of A Mad Fashionista,” sacrificing everything in its wake…Fashion Week, timely posts on Project Runway, calls from various handsome males missing my favors…

Even selling my beauteous vintage. I ORDERED my idiotic assistant to list new vintage items on my site on Specialist Auctions, Bodaciously Yours Vintage. But the lowlife chose to use my being so preoccupied to start playing something called World of Warcraft.

However, I caught her in the act and confiscated her headset. She’s in withdrawal now, shaking and drooling. Fortunately, I was able to lock her in the office bathroom so she would not drool on anything valuable. I’ll have the maid look in on her when the moans stop being so loud.

But I digress. I shall be parading on stage in a series of fabulous outfits, in all my robust glory, and I promise all of you out there a good time!

Note to the handsome males: especially after the show.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

And They’re Off! VBOE on Specialist Auctions

DAHLINGS –

On February 14, the Vintage Buy Out Extravaganza (yes, they changed to the title to something more “positive”) began, and items have been simply FLYING out of the Specialist Auctions site! I myself have bought some cunning things from Born Too Late Vintage, Alley Cats Vintage, and Vintage Diva!

Here are some beauties I have SLASHED prices on, so shop, shop, shop!

This gorgeous peach crepe dress with a gold embroidered bodice (with bow) that only needs a tiny bit of TLC:


SOLD!

Adorable vintage yellow wool babydoll coat by Youthcraft, size Small:


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=971801

Lot of four fur hats, a bargain at ANY price!


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1114682

Sexy hot pink fabric kitten heeled shoes by Coquettes in 8M, with the ORIGINAL box!


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1006809

Many other proprietors are offering hats, jewelry, clothing, glassware–in fact, if it was made before 1989, you might just find it at Specialist Auctions!

Must run, darlings–off to rehearsal. Who knew show business was such hard work?

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog