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PR + WWE = Chris Wins! And The End of The Crying Game

DAHLINGS –

Be still, my heart! Although it’s almost a week later, I am absolutely OVERJOYED that my dear darling huggy-bear Chris March won on “Project Runway.” As soon as I saw all of those silicone-breasted musclemen/drag queens, I knew he had it in a headlock. Pardon the pun.

I SO want Chris to design my wardrobe. Er, a bit more covered up, perhaps, but I do adore leopard!

And Christian did do a marvelous job…as soon as his diva said “leather & lace” I knew they were meant for each other.

Watching Sweet P have a slow-motion nervous breakdown is quite entertaining, isn’t it?

Every episode she gets a little closer to the edge; I think by next week they’re going to cart her off screaming, like poor Britney Spears. (And for God’s sake, would someone tell her to COVER UP those tattoos? I try not to be elitist, as you well know, but every week she wears a tiny little top. Long sleeves, PLEASE!)

As for Ricky, I know he surprised everyone by not crying at the end.

Here’s one armchair psychiatrist’s opinion: he has a terrible fear of success, and that’s why he kept breaking down. Then, when he was auf’d, he knew he wouldn’t have to be tested any more, he’d failed, and now he could go home. That bathing suit was LUDICROUS.

Between you and me, one of my favorite parts of the show was watching our Ms. Klum try to outglitz the glitziest women in show business. Sorry, Heidi, you would have done better to wear a black crepe sheath.

Off to rehearse my show, which opens in New York on February 27th! Oh, the work involved, I can hardly stand it! More later, dahlings –

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

"Project Runway" Commits CRIMES AGAINST FASHION!

DAHLINGS –

What can I say? My heart is broken. Project Runway has auf’d darling cuddly teddy bear Chris! CHRRRRISSS! Oh, dear, I am quite emotional. He was the only designer I could imagine spending any “face time” with, as they say. So sweet and so creative. Now we’re stuck with Hairthing, Spitting Earth Goddess and Sweet Trailer Trash. Ugh.

Yes, I know his dress was a bit dated, but I love drama in fashion.

Perhaps his teammates should have talked him out of the “Joan Crawford” shoulderpads. Oh, dear. The challenge was “outdated trends.” As a vintage seller, I have to constantly watch fashion of the past being disparaged on clothing reality shows, but I have to admit many of the trends were thankfully out of date. But

There has been so little imagination this season that I have had to switch from chamomile tea to a double espresso by Runway time, lest I have a fit of narcolepsy. Bucky doesn’t care, he’s curled in my lap while I sit in front of my plasma television.

And so many of the outfits were CRIMES against fashion! Poodle skirt? That is NOT a poodle skirt! Anyone with the faintest knowledge of fashion knows a poodle skirt is a simple circle skirt…and it usually has a POODLE on it! Couldn’t they have thought of some clever twist on that? What would Karl Lagerfeld have done? Instead, we were given that ridiculous square-dancing outfit, straight out of the glory days of Hee-Haw.

One waited for a couple of rubes to pop out from a haystack and crack a dirty joke in an Appalachian accent. At least Team Hairthing’s dress had some flair and was decently constructed. (It kills me to admit it.)

The drab colors! The lack of imagination! Even Heidi the Hun failed to get much of a rise out of me during this episode. And Victorya…if she was working for me, you know she would have been slapped into the middle of next month. NO ONE talks to me that way. But what do you expect of Ricky? The man has a stick of chewing gum where his backbone should be.

I can only hope this week’s episode is more interesting. Until then, I shall be in deep mourning for the loss of Chris. My dainty wisp of chiffon is trimmed with black marabou in his honor. Chris, we hardly knew ye…

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Heidi Klum, The Terror of Fashion, Is Back!

DAHLINGS –

I am “covered in shame” that I have not been here for all of you these last weeks. What with the flu, holiday celebrations, parties, parties, parties, I have barely had time in between changing wisps of chiffon to THINK!

My biggest regret is that I have not had time to address the return of that Plague of Fashion. No, not Project Runway itself, but that neo-Nazi cyborg Heidi Klum. Right from the beginning of Episode One, she had obviously been champing at the bit to tear out the jugulars of a crop of inexperienced beginners. No amount of photographs in the tabloids of Klum and “her” children (the lady is allowed to be alone with the young?) will convince me she has a beating human heart. The woman reminds me of nothing so much as one of those killer canines in “Resident Evil 2004.” (Not that I would ever watch such a piece of ordure, but one of my beach house guests insisted on ordering it from Netflix this past summer.)

This woman is allowed to be a judge of fashion?

As for the designers, Christian makes (ugh) Neckthing looks almost human. Hair in a Mixmaster, anyone?

I must confess a great liking for Chris. Any man who designs for “Beach Blanket Babylon” is a man I’d like to have a cocktail with.

The designers were asked to design a dress that showed who they were. Well, at showtime, a pronounced lack of personality came strutting down the runway. All of the designs were…uninspired. That is the only word, alas.

Baby doll silhouettes, over and over, with little pieces of torn fabric, with mismatched jackets, with pieces of red material stuck on them. If only Elisa had left the Train of Shame off the fluid blue dress; it tripped her model and resembled dragon diarrhea. (Assuming the dragon had eaten several Hawaiian pizzas.) When time came to eliminate the first designer, Heidi the Hun was practically drooling. I hoped Victorya would be eliminated, if only for spelling her name Victorya. And her design—little black dreck is the only phrase that fits. Instead, Simone got the boot. Yes, her design was a mishmash, and somebody has to be the first.

And for purely personal reasons, it gave me a chuckle. But that, my dear readers, is for me to know only.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog