(Note – I am transcribing this from Miss DeCarlo’s notes. It’s late and I want to go home, but if this isn’t fresh and crisp and published tomorrow, I will be put through the tortures of the damned. The Devil doesn’t wear Prada, she wears wisps of chiffon. You didn’t hear it from me.)
Oh, dear, that naughty Chris Noth! My gown is all mussed, my glorious blonde hair flattened, but it was worth it! I snap my fingers at George Clooney! He doesn’t know what he’s missing.
Speaking of missing, we seem to have missed quite a few categories, since they’re just finishing up the Dead People segment. Oh, well, I don’t think anyone important died or I would have heard of it. Chris, dahling, would you be a dear boy and get me another mojito? Thank you!
Hmmmm..Helen Mirren won Best Actress. That scrumptious Christian Lacroix dress…the woman is agelessly hot. Lovely breasts. Oh, dear, I sound like Oprah Winfrey.
Look at that ridiculous getup she wore to the Oscars. Not quite in the Sally Kirkland league, but heading in that general direction.
Oh, my, Forrest Whittaker won Best Actor. Everybody knew he would, but poor Peter O’ Toole. He was so wonderful in “Venus”, if rather hard to look at in close-up. And what is with Mr. Whittaker’s eye? For all of his career I have been wondering when he is going to have that strange eyelid of his fixed. But perhaps it’s like that huge mole on that Creole singer’s forehead…it has mystical powers or some such.
Darling Marty Scorsese! He is such a divine man, so small and yet so wonderfully talented. I grip Chris’s hand hard and squeeze, for I am feeling quite happy and a bit tipsy. I should have eaten something besides one piece of rumaki, but this dress is very tight and Oscar (the designer, not the statue) didn’t have time to let it out.
And now “The Departed” won. My God, is that actually Diane Keaton? In that lovely black ensemble? Someone must have mugged her backstage and forcibly changed her clothes, she never looks decent on awards shows. My, what a tiny waist! It almost makes up for having to look at Jack Nicholson and his huge cueball head.
The only nominee I saw was “Little Miss Sunshine,” which I adored, although between you and moi, Eddie Murphy should have gotten Best Supporting Actor. The Norbit curse and all that, you know.
Chris is beckoning that it is time to move on to the next shindig…Good night, dahlings!