DAHLINGS –
I came across this masterwork by some young people called the Day Job Orchestra, and they made the Emmys and Robert Verdi ever so much more entertaining.
Now, I haven’t lost my mind, but it’s hot and I don’t feel like writing a proper entry. It is rare something this vulgar makes my laugh, but really, a woman has to have a break from unending gentility.
I’m going upstairs now for a cold bath.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
DAHLINGS –
Due to a recurring illness, it has taken me a few days (cough) to get to this entry. However, how could I keep my beloved readers from missing this, no matter how great the sacrifice??
As in the Best Dressed, the Worst Dressed had an embarrassment of riches. And I do mean embarrassment.
Apparently Heidi Klum thought she was showing up for a taping of the runway segment of Project Runway. What else explains this dress? As she likes it on the show, too short, too tight, too shiny. Or is that what she doesn’t like? So confusing!
This category is for the dresses that leave one’s guests looking at each other in bewilderment. Yes, Alexander McQueen is dead and we should all be respectful of his memory…but Anna Paquin’s gown looks like she is starring in a bad fantasy film as “Rodarah, Queen of the Unalasians.”
There is so much wrong with Saturday Night Live’s Kristin Wiig’s dress one hardly knows where to start. The shoulder pom-poms? The cheap-looking print fabric? The sloppy, floppy black belt?
I am usually a champion of the unusual, but Lauren Graham’s gown is definitely a head-scratcher. Is the white bib to protect her dress from stray tomato sauce when the waiters are serving the pre-show cocktail nibbles? Is she afraid Lindsay Lohan is going to vomit on her? Or does she actually think it looks good? Your faithful correspondent is at a loss. There have been no photographs of the back that one can find, but perhaps that is a blessing in disguise.
And I am almost always a champion of larger lovelies, but KayCee Stroh’s gown…what look is she going for, precisely? Goth 60s hippie? Two unmatching gowns worn at once? And that pattern–I’M BLIND! I’M BLIND!
Remember when Jewel was a waify litle folk singer? Neither do I. In keeping with her recent glamorous image makeover (“I’m still relevant!), she is sporting a Carolina Herrera pink wedding cake dress. This photo does not show how perilously close the dress was to sliding off her body, which made for more entertainment than the actual show.
Why on earth did Glenn Close think this ill fitting green paper bag would be a good red carpet choice? Is it because the huge baggy hem is supposed to complement her broad shoulders?
This might be called a “catch-all” category, for all of those gowns that don’t fit easily into slots. First we have the Look At Me Dammit! awards.
This award is handily won by Eva La Rue. Even her name sounds like a burlesque dancer. Here, she manages to make virginal white look like ít’s been around the block a few too many times.
Speaking of white vulgarity, I know that this Kardashian (I can never tell them apart) made quite a few Best Dressed Lists, but this looked trashy, as did she.
What can one say? This Narciso Rodriguez dress would be a complete snore if it weren’t for the cheesy mesh insert at the waist, worn by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. The actress looks as if she divides her time between the gym and the plastic surgeon.
Now we have the general Oh, Dear category.
(I have no clue as to who this poor woman is. But the photo speaks for itself.)
Poor Toni Collette. On her way to the red carpet, her gown trailed through the mud. Perhaps that explains her displeased facial expression.
Cheryl Hines’s dress reminds one of a tree that’s been “toilet-papered” at Halloween. Not that your faithful correspondent would ever participate in something so common.
Elizabeth Moss’s gown, like Anna Paquin’s and Kristin Wiig’s gowns, has a bad case of “shoulder strangeness.” In this case, a large wad of fabric adorns a bunched up, badly-draped dress. The dull color doesn’t do her delicate complexion any favors, either.
To finish, Keri Russell’s Pepto-Bismol pink dress wasn’t exactly a “pop of color” on the runway, rather a splashed bucket. The top was far too large; every time Ms. Russell moved, the breeze threatened to expose one of her pretty little breasts. Because a dress is vintage, that does not necessarily mean it is a good fit.
So, those are my choices. Please feel free to respond in the comments. But remember, I am always right.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
DAHLINGS –
The Emmy Awards were endless on Sunday, weren’t they?
And as an aside, DAMN YOU BRYAN CRANSTON! How can the voters keep picking him over Hugh Laurie? (Who, by the way, looked sensational in a midnight blue tux.)
It was hosted by Jimmy Fallon, seen here with a woman who is either quite pregnant or doesn’t believe the 70s ever ended.
Kate Gosselin? KATE GOSSELIN? Seriously?
Yes, Kate Gosselin.
Although if you look through the red carpet photos, “television personality” has eclipsed “actress” these days. Speaking of tps, the first part of the night’s coverage was done by Ryan Seacrest and Bobblehead Girl.
If her breasts are real, then mine are fake.
Onward to happier topics! Here are my picks for the Emmy’s Best Dressed, in no particular order.
My favorite gown of the entire evening was January Jones in Atelier Versace. The dress is made of blue silk satin petals. Every time I saw this dress on screen, I smiled. And while watching an awards show, between the idiotic faux banter and the cloying bad taste, it is difficult to smile.
However, like almost everyone else at the Emmys, she looked like her hairdresser had taken the day off. Was there a hairdresser strike in Hollywood that we didn’t hear about?
Mariska Hargitay, in a gorgeous blush pink Vera Wang “old Hollywood” gown which showcases her beautiful body and face.
And we mustn’t speak of beautiful bodies without a mention of the much-Photoshopped Christina Hendricks in her lavender Zac Posen gown, cut to accentuate her curves and trimmed with ostrich feathers.
Susan Sarandon and her daughter, Eva Amurri (who recently guest-starred on the series “House“) proved that opposites attract. Susan chose a phenomenal dress by Donna Karan. Of course, if you’re Susan Sarandon, it is hard not to look phenomenal. Also opting for blush pink, Eva wore a vintage Thierry Mugler satin dress.
In a sea of safe looks, Carrie Preston stood out for all of the right reasons. Her custom-made print gown not only played up her coloring, the construction and cut were original, both front and back.
Another print gown, this one hand painted by Douglas Annette, stole the show as worn by Rutina Wesley of True Blood. (I was going to write “Work it, girlfriend!” but then I remembered myself.)
Speaking of risks, it does not matter to moi if everyone hates these dresses and hairdos. I was tickled to death by Mindy Kaling and Naya Rivera. It’s a party, let the young people have some fun! Don’t squash them into a dress fit for a 30-year-old, like Lea Michelle.
The cast of Glee were all over the place, which was deeply annoying to those of us who are not fans of the show. However, we forgive anything when it comes to the brilliant and beautiful Jane Lynch, who looked regal in this eggplant Ali Rahimi confection. She owned the red carpet, as they say.
Amy Poehler brought her husband, Will Arnett, and something never seen in Hollywood: an actual post-baby body!! Plastic surgeons make a fortune doing tummy tucks, breast lifts and, uh, vagina tightening after a star has a child (trust me on this one, I have excellent sources). Then, of course, the tabloids scream ‘STAR SHEDS ALL BABY WEIGHT IN ONE WEEK’ or some other lying nonsense. Not our Amy, and she looks splendid!
Another beautiful comedienne is Jane Krakowski, who wore this sensational blue confection:
Your faithful correspondent never thought she would have an embarrassment of riches in the Best Dressed category. Honestly, that never happens. But it seems there are.
So here some of the women who brought the old Hollywood glamour : Mary Hart, Julia Ormond, and Kirsten Lea. And Betty White, because she is literally old Hollywood.
And, in my final tally of the Best Dressed, I have to include Wanda Sykes, Sarah Hyland, Emily Deschanel, and Amber Riley. Phew!
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
DAHLINGS –
The plane touches down soon, so I’ll run through this list rather quickly. There was, shall we say, an embarassment of riches when it came to Worst Dressed. I like to break them down into Categories.
DAHLINGS –
Despite a banging hangover, I have handed over that damn tiny computer to my assistant and we’re on the plane back to New York. Praise the Lord and pass the Bloody Marys.
As usual with red carpet award shows, the Emmy Awards were a tremendous yawn. Too many actresses play it safe with their silhouettes, jewelry and hair. I miss Bjorn. Or is it Borg? Whatever, the crazy singer in the swan get-up.
However, some actresses were absolutely top-notch, and herewith I present my personal list of the Emmy Awards Best Dressed.
Christina Hendricks showcases her bombshell figure in L’Wren Scott navy and black lace:
Glenn Close’s sexy black ruched dress was even better in the back, with cut-out detail that was sexy without being overdone. Look out, Helen Mirren!
Sigourney Weaver can be counted on to look stunning on the red carpet, and once again she delivers in this red silk David Meister creation
Chandra Wilson celebrated her bounteous beauty in a black Pamela Rolland gown with white crystal beading:
The unfairly overlooked Lisa Edelstein (Dr. Cuddy on House MD) went for old-fashioned sexiness with smoky eyes, tousled hair and a gorgeous navy dress with accents of white on the top and bottom.
Speaking of curves, Vanessa Williams was spectacular in this teal Rafael Cennamo silk bustier dress:
You might have guessed that I preferred the curvy ladies over the younger stick figures who were dressed in quiet good taste. Boldness is beauty!
My Worst Dressed is coming next. After another Bloody Mary and some aspirin.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
NOOOOOOOO! BRYAN CARNSTON BEAT OUT HUGH LAURIE! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
That’s it for my life blog…life has no meaning any more. Oh, shut up, Bryan, I hope you get tonsillitis.
Hugh Laurie was robbed! It’s an outrage! A scandal! I need another drink! “House M.D.” is the greatest show on television and because of Hugh Laurie!!!!!!
Bob Newhart is blathering about something…what does it matter? Maybe I can corner Hugh at the bar and console him if I can’t find Chris Noth. At least if Lisa Edelstein isn’t around. (Her dress is spectacular, but so is mine.)
Who is that female British twit?
Sigourney Weaver5, gborgeous as always.
WAITER, GIMME THQT DRINK! I DON’T CARE IF IT’S FOR SETH MCFARLANE!
DAMN MAD MEN!!!!
There’s Chris Noth…I need a tuxedo’d shoulder to cry on. It’s just all so WRONG!
Brokenheartedly,
Elisa and Bucky the Wodnerdog
DAHLINGS –
I think I might be geting th4e hang of this teeny little notebook computer. Who’s the midget who introduced Brendan Gleason? Who’s Brendan Gleason?
Patricia Arquette’s breasts are threatening to explode. Jennifer Love Hewitt is pretending to have breasts. They must have pleated her chest.
Deerhilla Walsh, winner for Best Direction of a Miniseries, has a beautiful vintage-style dress. My favorite so far tonight. The accent doesn’t hurt, either.
Oh my goodness, Alec Baldwin just strolled by,,, damn, he turned and went back to the stage!
Hmmm…is Chris Noth around?
Jessica Lange won for something. Lovely green gown, dahlings, movie star glamour. (Is she wearing a bandage on her arm? She keeps giving herself CPR. AFter that french actress nad pregnant Heidi Klum, this Emmy ceremony might have the most medical emergencies in history.)
Too many commercials, not enough liquor. I gave Bucky half a Benadryl and he’s snoozing happily in his Louis Vuitton carrier. My poor little darling had to miss Fashion Week, how can I not bring him to the Emmy Awards?
Keefir Sutherland and some woman with breasts in a pink dress are announcing a winner of something. I think I will try to find Chris Noth.
Later,
Elisa & Bucky the Snoring Wonderdog
DAHLINGS –
I’m here at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles live blogging for the Emmy Awards, and I have made an enormouss mistake: I bought one of those little notebook computers and I am typing this myself. The keys are tiny and typos are unaviaoldable. JHowever, I shall soldier on regardless. /////
Neil Patrick Harris, in white tuxedo did an amazing opening number. We both lust after John Hamm, as what sentient being wouldn’t? Tiny Fey looks absolutely matronly in that black dress and updo. She also is dressed the same as the Emmy presentation girls.
In an upset for Comedy Best Supporting Actress, Kristin Chenoweth won, wearing a crusty silver minidress and begging for a job.
Except for the crusty silver drss, she reminded me of James Mason in “A Star Is Born” when Judy Garland wins hte Oscar.
I HATE THIS MACHINE!@
Sarah Silverman is sporting a jaunty mustache, a nice change from the ubiquitous nude lip. It helps her give an icy glare to lead actress winner Toni Collete, who forgot to wear her makeup.
Oh, God, Alec Baldwin! Why does he want to look like Rob Lowe? You’re mine, Alec, we’re getting together at the Entertainment Tonight afterparty, never mind that blonde hag you’re with! Of course you won, you are a comedy god. One hopes you will forget our unfortunate encounter in the air when I sneezed on your suede jacket shortly after the Inauguration. (Of course, as I wrote then, sober people remember everything, dammit.)
Project Runway is up for an Emmy. DAMN! The Amazing Race won…why? There is no justice! At least the designers know how to do something, unlike 90% of reality television particiapnts! My BFF Tim Gunn was robbed! Robbed, I tell you!
Speaking of PR, here is a picutre of an incredibly pregnant Heidi Klum on the red carpet:
Oh, they’re doing the miniseries…I’m heading to the bar for a Cosmo.
Later,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Mon Dieu, what has Kyra Sedgewick have on?? It looks as though a fairy vomited on her.
SOme Frencyh actress is rasping through an acceptance speech…she sounds like she has a bellows in her generous bosom.
Dahlings, I forced myself to watch much of the Emmy Awards, but I needed stiff cocktails to do so. My GOD, the dresses….have these women learned nothing? Perhaps there’s something in the water in Hollywood. Or perhaps it’s the drugs. Or their minds are deranged by hunger. Those bony hips, stick-thin arms, and the clavicles…bon dieu, the clavicles!
Look it up.
As a tall, bosomy, impeccably clad maven of New York fashion, I offer a word of advice to these pathetic (in every sense) figures:
EAT SOMETHING! And in the name of all that is Dior, get thee to a decent couturier, preferably one on the East Coast.
Au reviour,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Diary Of A Mad Fashionista 