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House MD: When Google Translate Attacks!

DAHLINGS-

You simply cannot make this stuff up. I have no idea why the site HouseSeason7.com was created, but it is hilarious. Here is part of an entry describing the show:

Refuge is a pick conduct to umteen in the humanity. It’s administrator producers Paul Attanasio, Katie Dr., King Come and Pol Instrumentalist who brought forth this new take-on to mysteries placing an blasphemous and disputable Physician Shelter against a examination malady. So that’s Dr. Doctor Asylum, an univocal ruiner, relentless change to his patients.

A stable corporeal symptom troubles Dr. Concern and seems to hold brought over him a savagely honorable behavior, made salient advance with a beat by his opinion. Lonely by attending and a unconventional by courage, Domiciliate is a story of his freakish thinking paired with flawless instincts. A doc to contagious diseases, Dr. Houses’ impressive diagnosing capabilities are challenged by scrutiny puzzles that he moldiness settle and forestall a few lives.

Are you an booster of the television direct ‘Business’? If you are, you faculty be knowing that the water attribute throws out jeering ripostes with gay wantonness.

Now that “House” has officially leapt over the large predatory fish, this was a welcome respite. It made me laugh. With gay wantoness, no less. Perhaps they should change the title to “Domiciliate,MD“.

In the meantime, this photo was released, and all I could think of was that Hugh Laurie looks like a cast member from “The Walking Dead.” At least one of them was enjoying themselves.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The 2010 Grammy Awards – My Worst Dressed

DAHLINGS –

There was simply so much to choose from at the 2010 Grammy Awards, even allowing for the greater freedom and creativity in dress that such an occasion affords. Here, in no particular order, are my Worst Dressed.

I cannot decide which is less flattering, the front or the back of Rihanna’s Elie Saab dress. Not only does the top look like a feather pillowcase exploded in the singer’s vicinity, but the below-the-waist draping says, “Could my hips and butt look any larger? And my head look any tinier? I don’t think so.” There was no photo of the draping in the back, but these photos should suffice:

If that were not bad enough, Rihanna wore this, er, explosion of color at another point in the evening. Somehow those huge puffs remind me of children playing with colored tissue paper in random manner:

Katy Perry claimed she was channeling Betty Page that evening, but Betty would have second thoughts about wearing this dress. This also looks like a child’s do-it-yourself project, with stuck-on glitter flowers on it. Also, one gets tired of women wearing Ms. Page’s signature hairdo. There must be some other iconic pin-up out there we simply haven’t gotten to yet!

And later on, Ms. Perry put her breast foot forward with this mismatched gown:

What can one say about Ke$ha? Well, I can say I have no idea who she is, but she looks more stoned than Amy Winehouse. And that, my dears, is an accomplishment! She probably bought her dress at Ricky’s costume department, and the gold makeup does not a hangover hide.

Even though I adored Lady Gaga’s red carpet look, I thought at first this was Marilyn Manson’s big comeback. Not only that, this is the first time I’ve seen three camel toes.

Not to be mean spirited, but Jennifer Lopez’s strange Versace dress looks like she collided with cheap white plastic fencing at Home Depot while wearing a metallic mini:

(Oh, dear, now I sound like that Little Blond Man in the black sequined disco jacket and jeans…as if he had any business telling someone else how to dress. But he is slightly more tasteful than the Bride of Riverstein.)

Now, I have mixed feelings about criticizing this woman who apparently calls herself Snooki. On the one hand, she is on one of the worst shows on television, Jersey Shore. I wanted to gouge my eyes out after fifteen minutes. Thank God I summer in the Hamptons.

On the other hand, this cheap little dress does celebrate her curves, even with those strange booties. But, cheapness overcomes overweaning self-love. Sorry, Snooki.

Beyonce wore her usual silhouette, this time awkwardly constructed, with boxy shoulders and in an unflattering color.

Ashanti achieved the feat of wearing two dresses at once.

As did Kristine Elazaj.

And Celine (gack) Dion proves that yes, it is possible to have a dress made almost entirely of eye crud.

Britney Spears…ah, poor Britney. Bad enough the press won’t leave her alone, but she didn’t have time to dress. So she threw a large piece of mosquito netting over a black bathing suit. Hope it wasn’t too awkward when she had to go to the ladies room.

Inspired, Ciara decided to wear a more upscale version of this look, with every single piece of black trim they carry at Project Runway’s Mood Fabrics:

There to shill her latest rom-com was Kristen Bell, who was nearly strangled by her dress whenever she stumbled.

Zombie Nicole Kidman was there, in black as befits the undead. However, it wasn’t bad enough to get her on either list. She arrived with husband Keith Urban, who looked terrified that his bride would try to eat his brains. He tried to steer Nicole toward Ryan Seacrest, but Mr. Seacrest saw it coming and was wearing a wreath of garlic.

Finally, I do not know who this Janet Jackson lookalike is, but she had to make the list in this dress that looks like a crumpled gray paper bag.

Feel free to make comments, but do remember that I am always right.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

People’s Choice Award: The Worst Dressed

DAHLINGS –

As I mentioned in my previous post, my choices for Best and Worst were hampered by the sameness of the dresses, particularly the plethora of one-shouldered gowns. However, your faithful correspondent will not let her readers down. Here, in no particular order, are my Worst Dressed.

THE WORST DRESS OF THE NIGHT

One star’s outfit leapt out at me. It is amazing that Carrie Underwood managed to find a dress made entirely of chicken wire:

“OUCH, y’all.”

And that strange bustle-thing; did it hurt to sit on? I only hope she wasn’t badly scratched by evening’s end.

FOR GOD’S SAKE, FEED ME A SANDWICH!

There was the usual swarm of hideously gaunt actresses, their fleshless arms and legs exposed by teeny frocks.
First, we have Taylor Swift (who apparently plays major league basketball in her spare time, minus the steroids):
Jessica Alba looks as though nothing but vitamin water has passed her lips for the past six months. This dress was criticized on another site for making Ms. Alba’s hips look big…er, big, if you’re a praying mantis.
Diane Kruger is disturbing in Herve Leger:

Even a sorry attempt at pouf doesn’t make Dana Ramirez look any more female:

SPECIAL NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD AWARD
…goes to Nicole Kidman. Her pallor, skeletal appearance and immobile face (not to mention the flat, lustreless hair) suggest that she died last week, but was specially resurrected to attend this ceremony. I do hope they sprayed her with a great deal of Chanel #5 to conceal the odor of decay.
“I need brains. Braaaains…”
FOLIE AUX DRESS
Whoever this young woman is, she may consider firing her stylist. The oversized, draped top is trying to be 80s and, unfortunately, succeeding. And pumpkin orange is not the new black.
One supposes we should be celebrating Hayley Williams’s individuality, for her dress is neither one-shouldered nor draped. However it looks as though she is being attacked by a swarm of huge moths. Her stylist also might have suggested that orange is not the new black when it comes to hair, either.
“This is tasty wool!”
This couple looks as glum as their outfits:
She: “Are we having fun yet?”
He: “No.”

Finally, we have Sandra Bullock. Not only is her dress a color that washes her out, it is strangely constructed. It rather looks like the fabric was thrown at her and then basted where it landed. Fortunately, her recent box office successes have made Ms. Bullock able to afford a staggering amount of plastic surgery, leaving her face a waxen mask.
As I wrote before, this is my list, and feel free to leave your comments. But bear in mind that I am always right.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Ebay Needs A Stimulus Package! Cue Michael Jackson…

DAHLINGS –

Sellers have been crying out and gnashing their teeth at the steady exodus of buyers from (ugh) Ebay. Which also seems to have something to do with the steady increase of large companies (Buy.com, etc.) being allowed to list on Ebay for free and showcase their wares at the top of smaller seller’s listings. I myself have certainly considered moving on. Although having one’s own e-commerce website is such a bore.

There is a thread on the Vintage Clothing discussion board on (ugh) Ebay that has been quite fascinating to read. Sellers have been venting their frustrations in song parodies, everything from “Mandy” to “My Boyfriend’s Back.”

In honor of Michael Jackson’s recent passing, I thought I would publish (with the seller’s permission) this rewrite of the timeless, currently inescapable classic, “Thriller.”

It’s close to midnight I’m sitting staring at my monitor
The Ebay summary Is showing that no bidding has occurred
I want to scream but nobody can hear my tearful wails
It’s a bad dream, it’s been two weeks since I’ve had any sales
But that entails

Having bidders
Bidders buy
Just push that stupid button it’s a thing that you don’t dare try
Come on you bidders
Bidders buy
I’m fighting for my life because those bidders, bidders don’t buy!

You hear the door slam, your husband’s gone to bed and he is pissed
Because the room’s crammed with crap he wishes never did exist
Now is the time for watchers to get off their lazy asses
But as the time clicks by you know the listings will just end
Cause you depend

On having bidders (woo-hoo)
Bidders buy
Just open Paypal up but it’s a thing that you don’t dare try
I’m begging bidders, bidders buy
So I’ll go down the tubes because those bidders, bidders won’t buy!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog