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Fashion Week Day One: Where To Buy My Plus Size Vintage Look!

DAHLINGS –

I am only here for a moment, but I wanted to let you know that you can see my first fabulous ensemble for Mercedez Benz Fashion Week, at:

http://www.diaryofamadfashionistafashionweek.blogspot.com/

Shopping details are there!

Despite an early morning hair disaster, my magnificent hat from Ellen Christine Millinery got me through the day in style! Do go have a look.

In the meantime, it’s off to change into another fantastic look–with cleavage, this time.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

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Fashion Week Continues–Recovering From Heartbreak

This is Miss DeCarlo’s assistant…I snuck out of here and didn’t dare come back until she left again. A girlfriend of mine over at Bryant Park said she saw this big blonde screaming in French at a huge black dude who was cowering behind Rachel Zoe. That is so my boss. Jesus wept! So, like I made sure I was outta here. She left me a ton of stuff sent from her Iphone, so I guess it’s going to be one of those nights. What a weirdo.

DAHLINGS –

Genuine apologies for the interruption. My delicate nerves are unraveled, raw, indeed, flayed! Andre Leon Talley shall never darken my silk napkins again.

But to business. Before I was so rudely interrupted (and betrayed!) by Andre’s alliance with that Los Angeles trend-hound, I was about to tell you of Fashion Week on Saturday. The first show I attended was Abaete, designed by Laura Poretsky. One was so hoping to be diverted from one’s private pain by wonderful fashion. Instead, a parade of fashion oddities strutted before me. I know that vintage is in, but this made me think of men’s swimwear circa 1910. All the model needed was a large mustache to sing in a barbershop quartet.

And I am sorry, but this was simply what the young folk like to call “a hot mess,” as was much of the show.

It was simply a MONSOON outside all day, and my poor dear darling Bucky detests the rain! It is a known characteristic of miniature pinschers, along with licking their private parts when one has company.

My little dog was trembling so violently that he urinated on my Oscar de la Renta dress, so it was back to my luxurious apartment on Central Park West to change clothes and let the poor little dear stay home (after giving him a pinch of valium in his dog food). I chose a Bill Blass pants ensemble designed by Peter Som for the 2008 Pre-Fall Collection, opting for fashionable comfort over getting my legs drenched.

At least not by the rain, this time.

My return, unfortunately, coincided with the Alexander Wang show. Back down to 21st Street…I should have confined myself to the tents! Wang had declared that he was going to give us “color”, and this was his version of color.

Ah, yes, tres jolie, particularly with the “Pinhead” horror movie hat on.

Your faithful correspondent should have known better than to return to Bryant Park in time for the Rock & Republic show. Why, oh, why, would they let one of those horrendously emaciated anorexic models pretend she had even a chance in Hell of looking curvaceous?

One flashes back to a childhood memory of watching Fred Astaire with dear, darling Mama at the Museum of Modern Art. I might have been an adolescent by that time, but Mama was still forcing me to pretend I was eleven years old (explained elsewhere). The thought occured to moi that having sex with Mr. Astaire might result in some very bad cuts from his razor sharp elbows and knees. Thank goodness I did not yet know about hipbones!

Until next time,

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

It’s Fashion Week AGAIN! Oh, My GOD!

DAHLINGS –

Just when I wasn’t looking, Fashion Week Fall 2008 crept up on me! Yes, I know I have simply STACKS of invitations on my desk that my moronic assistant didn’t bother answering (or even tell me about). It was with horror that I awoke this morning in my silk-sheeted bed, Bucky nestled beside me, and realized that Fashion Week started TWO DAYS AGO!

Wait until that assistant comes in tomorrow…I’m going to make her life a living hell, let me tell you.

The most I can do for now is give you my impressions from looking over the shows on the Internet…a poor substitute, I know, but better than no coverage at all, n’cest pas?

First, that continuing blight on the fashion landscape, Yigal Azrouel, who can always be counted to present a large collection of boring, sexless fashion. Suddenly, the designs on “Project Runway” seem like works of GENIUS. He continued with his strange brand of scruffy androgyny:

I thank the Gods that be that I was not in attendance. I might have pelted the models with chocolate-covered cherries, and started a stampede (that got me ejected from the Erin Fetherston show a few years back).

For her show this year, Nicole Miller claimed to have been inspired by Joan of Arc. (That’s Jeanne d’Arc to those of us who parle Francais.) One supposes there are worse inspirations than a hallucinating religious maniac who hears voices and ends up getting killed at the age of nineteen. Actually, that profile would fit quite a few modern pop singers, wouldn’t it? It was a nice show, but not one of her best; in fact, one has a rather hard time connecting this puffer jacket gone wild with Catholicism:

Tonight we close with a rather frightening image from the Alexander Wang show. As much as I may rail in this blog against the terrifyingly thin models that stagger down the runways, it seems that nothing will stop the shrinking. Today when I at last arrived at Bryant Park, there were the usual paramedics armed with Ensure, cocaine and dextroamphetamine. The show must go on.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

When Thin Is TOO In! Fashion Week finis

Good evening, dahlings –

I am SO SORRY that I have not written further about Fashion Week! All of you poor souls are slavering for my opinions on all of the shows I went to, whether by invitation or sneaking under the tent folds.

Some of the shock and awe I experienced can be explained in one picture:

There isn’t enough tulle in the KNOWN UNIVERSE to make these emaciated drug addicted children look like women in any sense. You could get razor cuts by shaking their hands. And they were everywhere at Fashion Week, dahlings, staggering down the runways. At the Behnaz Sarafpour show, there was so much room room between Natasha Poly’s thighs you could hear the wind howling…or perhaps it was the horrified spectators. The Luca Luca show, where the fashion was as redundant as the label’s name, bony knees and gaunt arms were the order of the day.

As a shall we say, robust female, I was deeply disturbed by the prevailing notion that to be fashionable is to look like you’ve been rescued from Auschwitz. Or like a bobblehead doll. Even such steadfast purveyors of beautiful clothes such as Vera Wang and Carolina Herrera used these stick figures.

I made sure to sit in the front row of every show, blatantly eating chocolate. And enjoying the moans of hunger from the models as they passed before me. Hana Soukopova nearly leapt off one runway and attempted to seize the Toblerone from my hand, dahlings, before her harried handlers dragged her off screaming in some foreign language. I think she was saying, “Give me some food! Or some more heroin!”

But enough about that. I shall be selling some divine Halloween costumes at my Ebay store, Elisa’s Bounteous House of Style, in sizes from Small* to Extra-Large, with an accent on the Extra. Do come take a look!

Ciao for now, dahlings,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

* Small as in stature, not as in anorexic.