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Sorry, I Don’t Want An "Amazing Transformation!"

DAHLINGS –

Since the discovery that there were vast sums to be derived from making others feel inadequate, never has such high intelligence has been devoted to low self-esteem.

And never has technology had such effective tools to work with. Between CGI and Photoshop, women (and everybody else) have almost no access to unmediated images.

For example: when has Oprah EVER looked like one of her own magazine covers? It sickens moi when Oprah has those “empowering” title lines on her covers. “Be The Best You?” Then how about showing us the REAL You, Oprah? The woman who is overweight, with heavy arms. This is not meant as a criticism of Ms. Winfrey’s physique. It is a criticism of Ms. Winfrey’s holding herself out as an example. An example that is a LIE.

Ms. Winfrey believes that her bazillions of followers will not buy her magazines if Oprah Winfrey actually looks like Oprah Winfrey.

The mind boggles. In fact, it makes my head hurt if I think about this too much.

Larger lovelies are further marginalized not only by Oprah having herself halved in size, but also the eradication of any and all normal flaws in media images. We are so ceaselessly bombarded by smooth, creamy perfection at every turn that oneself cannot measure up. Even the perfect people are not perfect enough. In television and movies, no wrinkles, bulges, unsightly moles, body hair, bra lines, panty lines, a dress wrinkled in the waist and skirt from sitting down—thanks to CGI, “all gone!” as a friend of mine says to her shiba inu when lunch is done.

To reach out to larger lovelies and spread the word, http://www.aboutcurves.com/ is having a charity drive for NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance). They have asked plus-size bloggers to write, and I am proud to do so. Even if, as always, I’m slightly late. Click the link for more information:

http://www.aboutcurves.com/charity

Before I write anything else, there is one item I must get off my ample chest: if I meet the people behind the Victoria’s Secret ad campaigns and catalogs, there would be blood on the streets. Even the gaunt Dachau victims that lurch down the runways during Fashion Week are more realistic than those pencils with false breasts. Victoria’s Secret has it all…One can feel bad about being skinny, flat-chested, large-chested, heavy, tall, short…any woman that does not look like these bizarre hybrids. And the quality of their merchandise is far lower than their prices would indicate.

The name “Victoria’s Secret” brings to mind the image of a young Victorian female, all plush curves and dimpled elbows. Beautiful lingerie enhancing the splendor of an actual human body. Sensual fabrics on sexual females. The hint of a double chin above a soft neck. Long hair spilled across a satin pillowcase.

Thousands of ads toting exercise machines, DVDs, pills, programs, all guaranteed to make you lose weight and keep it off. Sometimes I wonder:

a) Why have I never met anyone personally who underwent such a transformation?

b) If all of those hordes of “afters” are thin, how can there be any fat people left, logistically speaking?

You might think this is a “been there, done that” tirade. We have been there. We have done that. But never as completely. Never as unremittingly. Women are trained from the cradle to think of themselves as physically inadequate in some way. Heavy women even more so. Now, overweight isn’t only overweight, it is a crime against humanity. At least according to TMZ and their ilk.

Where are the role models for larger lovelies? Every time a heavy beauty has a career breakthrough…she sheds poundage. And since said beauty has always given publicity about “loving myself the way I am”, the frantic backtracking becomes comic to watch. “Yes, I did love myself at that weight, but life can be enjoyed at any size!” THEN WHY DID YOU LOSE SIXTY POUNDS, BITCH? (Yes, I’m looking at you, Jessica Hudson. I know there are others. But I’m looking at you.)

We are betrayed at every turn. America Ferrera started “Ugly Betty” as a larger lovely, but grew progressively thinner as the show’s run went on. Singer Jordin Sparks is ´delighted´ to have lost weight. Media websites love to run slideshows of “Amazing Transformations!”

That’s another peeve. You don’t lose weight. You have “An Amazing Transformation!” “Complete Body Makeover!” Good God, it makes me long for the days when the goal of losing weight was well…losing weight. Buy a smaller bra. Wear pleats. Can we ever go back? If we’re going to make abortion illegal again, while we’re at it, can’t we go back to excess poundage not being a mortal sin?

Pardon the pun: Fat chance. My apologies if this rambles a bit, but I have low blood sugar. I am going to go eat a chocolate cupcake. In public.

Ciao,

Elisa

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Jennifer Hudson Is Not Even ‘Chunky’ – Plus Today’s Fashion Tip!

DAHLINGS,

I have meant, over and over again, to return to this little forum to opine about the important subjects of today, such as: who thinks the bubble skirt actually looks good? And aren’t we all delighted that Jennifer Hudson stole the show in “Dreamgirls”? Of course, she is Hollywood’s version of overweight, which means she is slightly underweight rather than seriously gaunt. I saw the original woman, something Holliday (do you think I have TIME to look it up?) who was large and amazingly talented.

But, it would seem the genitalia of most the males who run Hollywood shrink up when they see a powerful large woman. (The poor dears really do need therapy to get over their mothers.)

Ergo, the “semi-fat” sidekick, who isn’t fat but slightly more rounded than the hollow-cheeked heroine. Such as Jennifer Coolidge. Why are all these women named Jennifer, anyway? And in that “Shoes” movie about sisters, the obese, slovely one is played by Toni ColletteToni Collette!–whose one concession to reality is to have her bras a bit too tight in the back. At least she isn’t named Jennifer.

All for now — but I wanted to let you know that I have a singular selection of dazzling holiday fashions and jewelry, to wit:

“Dreamgirls” era 60s pink lace dress, XL:

Vintage Weiss green rhinestone necklace, signed:

Vintage 80s Joan Collins crystal pleated shoulder and bust emerald green, XXL

NWOT Niki Livas blue-green organza formal cocktail dress, size 16W:

And much more to come.

Ciao,
Elisa and Bucky The Wonderdog

Today’s Fashion Tip:
Prescription For Dressing: BREAKFAST
It’s good psychology to start the day with bright colors, so choose something gay in a washable fabric. Breakfast coat, brunch coat, house dress, smock, skirt and shirt or slacks and shirt; + apron if you’re cooking; + casual shoes, sandals or flats.

Edith Head, “The Dress Doctor”