Heidi Klum, The Terror of Fashion, Is Back!


I am “covered in shame” that I have not been here for all of you these last weeks. What with the flu, holiday celebrations, parties, parties, parties, I have barely had time in between changing wisps of chiffon to THINK!

My biggest regret is that I have not had time to address the return of that Plague of Fashion. No, not Project Runway itself, but that neo-Nazi cyborg Heidi Klum. Right from the beginning of Episode One, she had obviously been champing at the bit to tear out the jugulars of a crop of inexperienced beginners. No amount of photographs in the tabloids of Klum and “her” children (the lady is allowed to be alone with the young?) will convince me she has a beating human heart. The woman reminds me of nothing so much as one of those killer canines in “Resident Evil 2004.” (Not that I would ever watch such a piece of ordure, but one of my beach house guests insisted on ordering it from Netflix this past summer.)

This woman is allowed to be a judge of fashion?

As for the designers, Christian makes (ugh) Neckthing looks almost human. Hair in a Mixmaster, anyone?

I must confess a great liking for Chris. Any man who designs for “Beach Blanket Babylon” is a man I’d like to have a cocktail with.

The designers were asked to design a dress that showed who they were. Well, at showtime, a pronounced lack of personality came strutting down the runway. All of the designs were…uninspired. That is the only word, alas.

Baby doll silhouettes, over and over, with little pieces of torn fabric, with mismatched jackets, with pieces of red material stuck on them. If only Elisa had left the Train of Shame off the fluid blue dress; it tripped her model and resembled dragon diarrhea. (Assuming the dragon had eaten several Hawaiian pizzas.) When time came to eliminate the first designer, Heidi the Hun was practically drooling. I hoped Victorya would be eliminated, if only for spelling her name Victorya. And her design—little black dreck is the only phrase that fits. Instead, Simone got the boot. Yes, her design was a mishmash, and somebody has to be the first.

And for purely personal reasons, it gave me a chuckle. But that, my dear readers, is for me to know only.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog