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Merry Christmas From Moi & Terry Gilliam

DAHLINGS –

I’m not exactly in the Christmas spirit. But this did give me a few laughs, and what better to share during the season than laughter?

By Terry Gilliam C. 1968

Enjoy your eggnog!

Ciao,
Elisa

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Not A Very Merry Christmas

DAHLINGS –

This is the first Christmas I have spent without my beloved Bucky. Every year I would post a greeting from the two of us. This evening my eye fell upon it in a file and I wept. I am weeping now. The loss of this dog has been more of a blow that your faithful correspondent could have comprehended. Much of the first half of 2011 was spent mired in grief. (If you think this prose is a tad purple, tough.)

After the death of a loved one, there is the dreaded firsts: first birthday, first anniversary, first Thanksgiving, and now, the first Christmas.

Fletcher is sweet, albeit as neurotic as as a boxcar of Baldwins. But of course it’s not the same. It can’t be the same. I love him, but you cannot compare months to years.

Next month will be the anniversary of Bucky’s death. If you don’t hear much from me, that’s why. Reviews of “House” might be the only things I write in this blog-thing.

Then again, I could post one sentence or picture a day, and pretend this is Tumblr.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and whatever it is Buddhists do at this time of the year.

Elisa

Happy Holidays!

DAHLINGS –

I have been so busy with the social whirl (and trying to hire a new assistant…AUGH) that I have sorely neglected this blog-thing. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to be write more entries.

In the meantime:

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Glamorous Holiday Dresses And More!

DAHLINGS –

As per my previous entry, my maid has quite recovered from finding Jesus Christ in the kitchen. Although she is convinced that the sharp cheddar has been “blessed” and refuses to let the chef make brocoli vapeur avec sauce au fromage.

Be that as it may, we have a beautiful selection of holiday dresses, both vintage and modern, at Elisa’s Bodacious House of Style on (ugh) Ebay. And because of the holiday season, we promise to ship two days after you buy, so that you may have it for any soiree you need to attend.

First, this exquisite Jovani off the shoulder beaded black and silver gown, size XL:

Next, a strapless purple and lilac gown by Michaelango, with a built-in crinoline, size 14:

Soon to be listed, an amazing silk cheongsam from the 1920s, never worn until now:

From the 1940s, a gorgeous lace-trimmed black wrap dress, size M/L:

Of course, a woman needs accessories to wear with her finery, so we are listing jewelry as fast as we can! For instance, this hand-knotted antique string of glass pearls:

Or this vintage “dog collar” black crystal necklace by Laguna:

And so the gentlemen don’t feel neglected, this soon to be listed pair of sterling silver cufflinks by Swank:

Do hurry over to the shop and grab these things before someone else does!
http://stores.ebay.com/Elisas-Bodacious-House-of-Style

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Jesus, a Cheese Sandwich and Moi

DAHLINGS –

I don’t know if it’s Christmas approaching. Maybe not, because it’s not the first time this has happened.

All that I can tell you is, mes lecteurs bien-aimés, that I returned home the other night to hear my maid in the kitchen speaking in tongues.

This is not the usual sound that comes from the kitchen…the usual sounds are dishes breaking and cursing in a foreign language. Bucky was barking wildly. Yours truly had a fairly good idea of who was here.

So your faithful correspondent entered the kitchen, which, to be honest, is relatively unfamiliar territory to moi. And there I found Jesus making himself a cheese sandwich.

Bucky was in the corner, barking, the hair on his back up. Not a good sign. The last thing I needed was for my dog to sink his teeth into Christ’s ankle.

Ever since I said something nasty about people who thought Jesus Christ was on a grilled cheese sandwich that sold on (ugh) Ebay, Jesus started coming around every now and again, helping himself to my larder. And it’s almost inevitably aged diary products.

I drew myself up to my full height (Jesus is several inches shorter than I) and said, “What are you doing here, Jesus?”

“I was hungry,” he replied. It was a little hard to hear him with my maid on the floor ululating, so I pushed her out of the kitchen into the butler’s pantry and shut the door. I also shooed Bucky out of the kitchen. He growled but trotted away down the hall.

Of all the gall, showing up in my kitchen. Freeloaders, even if they are deities, work my last nerve, as the young people say. “You always have several kinds of cheese,” he added. “Tonight it’s sharp cheddar.” The toast popped out of the Dualit Combi toaster, and Jesus dropped it onto a Ming Dynasty plate.

“Do you have any Branston pickle?”

“No.” I sighed in annoyance. I folded my arms. “I have asked you not to barge in here any time you feel like it, Jesus.”

He turned and glared at me. Really, that crown of thorns was most unbecoming. At least this time he was wearing robes instead of only a loincloth. Not that he doesn’t have a nice body, but it is inappropriate anywhere but a swimming pool, in your faithful correspondent’s opinion.

“That’s MISTER Jesus to you,” he snapped. “Besides, didn’t I imprint my face on food for you to sell on Ebay?”

“It was scrambled eggs,” I retorted. “You know they don’t hold together.”

Jesus started rummaging through the cabinets above the stove. “You’re out of Marmite.”

“Why don’t you conjure some from an old packet of yeast, Mister Jesus?”

The maid was still speaking in tongues in the butler’s pantry. It is extremely irritating to listen to, but what can one expect when an uneducated woman encounters Christ in the kitchen? I’ve lost several maids that way.

At least he had made me some lovely built-ins for my office. He’s quite a talented carpenter.

“I don’t believe in God, Mister Holy Trinity, but if I did, I would DEFINITELY send in a complaint. I mean, who died and made you Savior?”

“Our heavenly father, you heathen.”

“Maybe he’s your father, but he certainly isn’t mine. I have a hard enough time coping with your existence–and there are many millions of Muslims who would agree with me. I’m not so sure about the Jews. I’ll have to ask Michael Kors.”

“I’m not getting into this argument with you again,” he said. “Watch it, or I’ll start playing with the space/time continuum. You’ll find yourself pretending to be eleven years old again.”

“Don’t bring my mother into this!” (cf. earlier entries)

“Thanks for the sandwich,” he said sarcastically, and disappeared.

After a few minutes,I yelled for my assistant to come and quiet the maid.

Thank goodness Jesus had left the building.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Vintage Jewelry and Vintage Plus Size Dresses for YOU!

DAHLINGS –

I don’t make it a habit of writing idiotic titles like the one above, but one must bow to the almighty search bots. My pet peeve is ads that state “the (insert here) you love”. How do they know if I love comfort, or rubber, or burlap? Impertinence, say I.

Ahem.

I am listing beautiful plus-size vintage dresses on (ugh) Ebay, as well as Christmas gifts for milady. And many have FREE shipping. Here is a small selection to whet your appetite:

A beautiful gold satin flocked silk dress for the taller woman, XL B45

http://tinyurl.com/yju2knt

From the 1930s, a feminine flowered cotton dress, M/L with a gored skirt and large Bakelite buttons:

http://tinyurl.com/y93pg9t

A stunning 1940s black silk dress, also for the taller woman, with a wide v-collar front and back, and black button trim around the collar and along one hip:

http://tinyurl.com/yh2wnhw

A vintage lightweight goldtone “statement” necklace, so on-trend!

http://tinyurl.com/yjnqnok

A glorious turn of the century Italian cameo ring, in a rare Navette setting, on sale:

http://tinyurl.com/yglkeh3

Soon to be listed, this dazzling rhinestone-front vintage maxi-dress, perfect for holiday parties!

Do have a look at my store, Elisa’s Bodacious House of Style, for more precious, one-of-a-kind finds. Oh, and do me a favor–buy them.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Merry Christmas & Happy Chanukah To All!

DAHLINGS –

I am off to a dear male friend’s yacht, the better to escape the frigid New York City winds (no names, you know I am the essence of secrecy, unless it’s not about moi). Dear little Bucky tends to get a bit seasick, but as long as he vomits on the servants, that should not be a problem. I shall be gone until after the holiday at the very least!

Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah to all of my beloved readers, far and wide. May your wishes come true in 2009, be they for health, happiness or something a bit more twisted. I am a woman of broad mind and loose morals, so I do not judge.

Joyeux Noël et Chanukah heureux, chéris !

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog